World Marriage Day 2021

One good marriage can bless many others

By Stephanie Rapp
Director, Diocesan Marriage and Family Life Office


It was happening again. My husband’s parents, Pam and Chris Rapp, and their marriage were inspiring me.  

This time it was through a group text message with his side of the family. In this instance, Mom was gushing about Dad and his accomplishments at work. He was responding with how he could not have done it without her and how amazing she is. They went back and forth for a while as the rest of us – their children and children’s spouses – witnessed a couple in love.  

This was not the first time I glimpsed the strength of their marriage. I can vividly remember a time when my brother-in-law was in the hospital recovering from surgery. During one of the few moments when Mom had left the hospital room, Dad began to sing her praises. Even in the midst of stress and suffering, sitting next to their sleeping son (who is healthy and well now), Dad rejoiced in his wife, her warmth, her care for their child and the life that they were living together. And I just sat there, blessed beyond words. 

Of course, the most obvious way their marriage has been a gift in my life is that it gave me my husband, Craig. I have repeatedly thanked God for his parents’ love for each other and their openness to life, which in turn led to our marriage and our own three beautiful children. 

Their relationship also provided Craig a childhood home that was filled with love and helped him grow into the man he is today. He has shared that when he was a teenager, he noticed that his friends seemed drawn to his home, and he credits his parents for this. Who wouldn’t want to be around such love?   

My in-laws would be the first to tell you that their marriage is not perfect. Yet marriages do not need to be perfect to be powerful. Married couples do not need to have it all figured out before letting their union be a gift in this world. Simply by living out the vocation to marriage, being faithful to their vows, seeking holiness and help when necessary, being open to children, etc., the love that married couples share overflows to those around them. 

This can – and will – happen naturally, yet couples can also be intentional by starting or becoming involved in a marriage ministry, mentoring an engaged couple or serving and volunteering together. The ways that God can use a marriage to bless others is limitless, if only a couple says “yes” to the invitation. This does require a certain level of vulnerability but is well worth it.   

“Witness to Love” founders Mary-Rose and Ryan Verret have articulated the enduring power of one good marriage this way: “It touches countless lives, transforms parishes and communities and is a shining beacon in a hurting world.” 

I could not agree more. My in-laws’ marriage has been a witness for me, and I hope and pray that my own marriage, and all others, can be a gift as well. Because marriage is a gift worth sharing. 



God helps couples continue to love in difficult times

By Catherine Suprenant
Diocesan Marriage Formation Coordinator

I recently attended the wedding of my dear friend. Watching Jenna and her husband, Evan, speak their vows to each other was a joyful moment but also a solemn one, as the reality between them changed and a marriage bond was formed. 

Jenna and Evan had chosen each other in small ways throughout their relationship, through a freshly mowed lawn, a fixed car, timely encouragement, a home-cooked dinner, prayer together … all the small choices to be for the other. A joyful tenderness was always evident between them; service to others seemed to be a natural overflow of the goodness of their relationship. 

All such love is special, even extraordinary. Now, those choices will still be made, but in an entirely new context. A marriage bond, a covenant bond, has made a new family, the Joneses. Mr. and Mrs. Jones can love each other not only on occasion, but also in the difficult and beautiful vulnerability of a complete gift. Their path to eaven now lies specifically through their choice to love each other and never stop.

As the vows were said (I think one voice choked up), we all felt the sacredness of the moment, a sign of the invisible grace God was bestowing on the couple. While they were choosing each other, God was choosing them. He chose to live in their love every day for the rest of their lives.

All the love in their dating relationship was also His gift, a sign of His presence in their lives. Now that they are married, God has charged them and given them the ability to remind each other of His own faithful love. The wedding liturgy communicated this powerful mystery.

As moving as the wedding was, I was struck by the vulnerability it took for Jenna and Evan to walk down the aisle and offer themselves to each other and to God through this sacrament. To give yourself means to know yourself honestly and then to bravely step forward and trust your spouse to receive you totally. 

It is an incredible act of vulnerability to reveal yourself consistently to someone, especially when you are also the primary receiver of all of someone else’s quirks and failings day after day. It’s messy. Making those sacred vows is a defining moment of vulnerability, but Jesus Christ comes to help each spouse live those vows and to discover Him present in the day-to-day choices to love. 

Living this out faithfully makes you holy. As Jenna always tells me, the tendency is to turn in to protect yourself … from life, from your beloved’s wounds, from the sight of your own weakness. However, true intimacy looks like the cross, arms wide open: “Here I am, receive all of me.”

There are many times, even every day, when you might be tempted to pull back from the utter vulnerability of giving to your spouse. There can be a season of job and financial stress where you feel disconnected and alone. You might discover new annoying qualities of your spouse. There might be the occasion when you find out that you are more broken and hard to live with than you thought possible. And these experiences might spark the fear, “Will our relationship ever recover the joy it once had?” 

Counterintuitive as it might seem, these moments are some of the most important in your life, as they are opportunities for you to learn to love and fully experience the grace of your wedding day. These are the moments that God chooses to bless day in and day out – the grace to hand over the reins of your life to Him, and love with His help. 

He gives you the grace to open your heart again and again, even through difficult, dry and painful seasons. He moves you to humbly apologize, to give when you feel like your spouse is neglecting to give, to bring your spouse joy even when you feel indisposed. You are given the grace to repeat your wedding day over and over again, to lovingly say “I do” in every life circumstance.

I am excited for Jenna and Evan to walk this path of grace together and grow in holiness each step of the way. I also hope every married couple is reminded in this National Marriage Week of their own wedding day and God’s promise to be faithful to them with His love and grace. Married couples, He is with you, always. 



A truer test than wallpaper

By Jennifer Fullin
Diocesan Natural Family Planning Coordinator

My mother told me that the true test of a couple’s marital relationship is hanging wallpaper together. Her comment was likely based upon my parents’ experience of stripping, sanding and repapering the walls of the big, century-old house I grew up in.

My husband and I accepted the wallpaper challenge a few years into our marriage when we decided to paper the tiny half bath on the lower level of our home. We read the directions that came with the wallpaper and got to work. 

We discovered that it was no easy task for my husband and me to measure, cut and carefully align the seams and pattern of each strip of paper on the wall before the adhesive dried. The tension in the tight quarters led to sharp words, but at the end of the day the wallpaper was up, and our marriage was still intact.

A deeper challenge to our marital equilibrium arose when my husband and I began practicing Natural Family Planning (NFP).

Like hanging wallpaper, NFP isn’t difficult to learn. In just one session, a good NFP teacher can provide a basic explanation of a woman’s cycle and a method for recording the observable signs of her fertility. 

However, practicing NFP requires couples to apply this knowledge to their personal circumstances. It means daily determining their phase of fertility/infertility and then aligning their expressions of marital love to their current intention, whether hoping to conceive a child or postpone pregnancy.  

Because the stakes involved in NFP are considerably higher than in hanging wallpaper, it seems inevitable that marital tensions will be, too. My husband and I had our share of emotional outbursts, misunderstandings and hurt feelings as we adjusted to the NFP way of life and love.

Open and honest communication is key to practicing NFP well in marriage, but it might take some getting used to. Initial conversations about female body parts and cyclical discharges are likely to be awkward – especially for men, who up to now might have viewed such topics as a “women’s thing.”  

Wives might feel vulnerable discussing their bodies with their husbands, fearing a response of disgust or a lack of interest. However, the truth is that most men who learn NFP with their wives express being awed by the beautiful intricacy and creative power of their spouse’s body. 

Another difficult discussion for many couples using NFP is the timing and frequency of lovemaking. Couples who are seeking to postpone pregnancy need to avoid sexual intimacy during the phase of the woman’s cycle known as the fertile window (six-10 days). Men might fear a loss of intimacy with their wives or a lack of control over when they can initiate lovemaking, while women might worry about acting as “gatekeepers” or rebuffing their husbands. 

These fears are natural, but not insurmountable, especially when shared with your spouse.
Wallpaper’s popularity is rising among the younger generation whose mothers never warned them about the marital risk involved; technical advances have supposedly made wallcoverings easier to apply. Similarly, NFP has become more appealing with the advent of fertility apps, hormone monitors and wearable fertility trackers. However, no technology can replace the open, honest and vulnerable conversation necessary for a couple to practice NFP. And that’s a challenge worth accepting!


Ministry aids divorced Catholics

By Keith F. Luscher

Reneé, of Pataskala, was looking forward to, and planning for, her 20th wedding anniversary when her life was shattered unexpectedly. Suddenly, planning for an anniversary celebration became planning for an eventual divorce. 

“At first, though,” she recalled, “I had heard from people that I could no longer be Catholic if I was divorced! I was at my rock bottom, when I heard on AM 820 (radio) about this program, Surviving Divorce, being offered at St. Catharine of Siena, my old parish where I grew up. I went back and participated, and it saved my life. It was just wonderful. It gave me a whole new outlook on life, a whole new perspective of my Catholic faith. ... It kept me going.”

Reneé admitted she was hesitant: “Yes, I was nervous about doing Surviving Divorce at first. I didn’t want people to know what I was going through – I was a very private person. But letting this ministry into my life was the best thing I ever did. I was able to open up, I was able to share. I was able to get comfort and give comfort. I learned so much about myself, about my faith and how to move on, and how to be who I am, and not let my divorce define me.

“I came to realize that I wasn’t this outcast,” she said. “The people in the church still loved me and wanted me there. I felt welcomed. And, when I would get that anxiety coming up, an anxiety I had never felt before this divorce, ‘Jesus, I trust in You’ became my go-to saying.”

Mark, of Newark, also found himself alone after a marriage of nearly 40 years ended in divorce. “Being Catholic,” he said, “I had received the sacraments. And they strengthen you. ... It’s God’s dynamic power working in our lives.  And, for those of us who’ve been shattered by divorce, it’s the glue that holds us together, that keeps us stronger than we ever were before.”

Mark, who also participated in Surviving Divorce, knows one might not heal on his or her own. “They say, ‘Time heals all wounds,’ but I don’t believe that, because you can be in agony forever. You need that spiritual growth that only God gives, that is lasting.
Reconciliation, the Eucharist ... it’s the sacraments through which we receive grace. I think a lot of people think it’s kind of like pixie dust that God trickles down from heaven. But that’s what the sacramental system is set up for ... as a means for us to receive grace.”
Reneé and Mark tell their stories firsthand at DivorcedCatholicColumbus.org. Their stories, though unique, are not unusual. Reneé’s fear of acceptance after divorce is common. 

For this reason, Catholics going through divorce are often in danger of becoming “lost sheep” because of the challenges they face. They want and need love, support, mercy and truth. But if they do not experience this from their Catholic brothers and sisters, they will go elsewhere, most likely to a community that does not embrace and share God’s truth.   

Non Solum, Latin for “not alone,” is a local Catholic apostolate that aims to help separated and divorced Catholics find this supportive community. Through its website and the MeetUp.com group, Non Solum promotes a 12-week support program called Surviving Divorce: Hope and Healing for the Catholic Family, offered by several parishes in the diocese. Although 2020 did present challenges because of COVID-19 restrictions, program organizers are looking forward to a busier 2021. 

Between programs, I often receive calls or emails asking when the next support session will begin. Often these inquirers aren’t interested in the support group per se but just seek someone who will listen. 

My hope is that more parishes will offer Surviving Divorce. We are also building a network of caring individuals who want to listen to a fellow Catholic going through divorce. Which begs the questions:

• Do you know a fellow Catholic who is quietly suffering through divorce?

• Have you experienced divorce and want to help others who are walking a similar path? 
To learn how you can help others, visit our website or contact us directly. Our information is below. Non Solum welcomes your call.  

Keith F. Luscher has returned to the Catholic Church following a 20-year absence. He is happily remarried and living in Newark. He divides his time between Columbus St. Catharine of Siena Church and Newark St. Francis de Sales Church. He is a co-founder of Non Solum Columbus and can be reached at keith@nonsolum.org or at (614) 205-0830. Learn more about the apostolate at DivorcedCatholicColumbus.org.